![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Some Olympic sports for non-athletes
Feb. 21st, 2010 06:26 pmPedestrian Cross: A game played when you've got a place to get to that's on the other side of the downtown mobs. Like ski or snowboard cross, the goal is to get to the finish line first. The obstacles aren't jumps and drops, but randomly wandering crowds, as well as photo shoots, curbs, mailboxes, street lamps, and street performers. Falls are possible, especially if you lose focus, distracted by your colourful surroundings. A strategy of crowd drafting - following in the wake of a larger person heading in your desired direction - can be very helpful.
Team Pedestrian Cross: Similar to the regular Pedestrian Cross, but in order to win, the whole team must cross the finish line together. This can be facilitated by matching funny hats. Team Cross is more challenging than the solo sport due to the need to keep an eye on your team mates both ahead and behind you as well as on all the obstacles, but a team with a strong leader and a determined group presence can literally stop traffic.
Line Standing: A game of endurance and strategy. Best played as a team, but if you are outgoing and charming, you can create a team as play proceeds. There are several ways to earn points in Line Standing: boredom avoiding, opportunity-to-sit spotting, food fetching, and the bathroom break relay. Points can be deducted for controversial conversational choices, such as protesters, politics, and ticket scalping. For an additional challenge, bring along one or more small children.
Freestyle Whining: Note: Expressing valid concerns about the cost of the Olympic games - financial, social, or other - will not count towards your Freestyle Whining score. The best way to win at this sport is to combine entitled beliefs with loud and obnoxious behaviour. The gold medalist in Whining is expected to be able to complete a quadruple whine: insulting an innocent volunteer about a temporary problem at a free event while making everyone else in the vicinity uncomfortable too.
Women's Speed Peeing: A cooperative rather than competitive sport, as the goal is not so much to pee the fastest, but rather to get women through the bathroom line as quickly as possible. Women who wear easy-to-remove clothing - fewer layers; no belts or pantyhose - are a decided asset. Women with a lot of bags can be slow to get in and out of the stalls. Of course, environmental conditions also influence this sport: number of stalls, arrangement of stalls, and amount of toilet paper available.
Team Pedestrian Cross: Similar to the regular Pedestrian Cross, but in order to win, the whole team must cross the finish line together. This can be facilitated by matching funny hats. Team Cross is more challenging than the solo sport due to the need to keep an eye on your team mates both ahead and behind you as well as on all the obstacles, but a team with a strong leader and a determined group presence can literally stop traffic.
Line Standing: A game of endurance and strategy. Best played as a team, but if you are outgoing and charming, you can create a team as play proceeds. There are several ways to earn points in Line Standing: boredom avoiding, opportunity-to-sit spotting, food fetching, and the bathroom break relay. Points can be deducted for controversial conversational choices, such as protesters, politics, and ticket scalping. For an additional challenge, bring along one or more small children.
Freestyle Whining: Note: Expressing valid concerns about the cost of the Olympic games - financial, social, or other - will not count towards your Freestyle Whining score. The best way to win at this sport is to combine entitled beliefs with loud and obnoxious behaviour. The gold medalist in Whining is expected to be able to complete a quadruple whine: insulting an innocent volunteer about a temporary problem at a free event while making everyone else in the vicinity uncomfortable too.
Women's Speed Peeing: A cooperative rather than competitive sport, as the goal is not so much to pee the fastest, but rather to get women through the bathroom line as quickly as possible. Women who wear easy-to-remove clothing - fewer layers; no belts or pantyhose - are a decided asset. Women with a lot of bags can be slow to get in and out of the stalls. Of course, environmental conditions also influence this sport: number of stalls, arrangement of stalls, and amount of toilet paper available.
