Why I'm not a grown-up

[dreaminghope]

Adults work full-time and get their own place; they buy appliances, furniture and art; they have dishes that match; they acquire car and mortgage payments; they have credit cards and cheques; they contribute to RRSP funds and save their money for practical things.

I have done or am doing all these things. I'm excited about getting myself a DustBuster with my Air Miles points. I even like doing dishes and laundry (most of the time). I joke about relationships and the difficulty of living with a man with my mom.

But I'm not a grown-up. I don't drink wine with dinner. I don't get a morning paper, nor do I get up early enough in the morning to read it before work if I did. I don't dress up for work. I can't remember the last time I bought myself brand-new clothes. By my parents' examples, those are the things that real grown-ups do.

I don't want to be my parents (though they are good and wonderful people; we simply don't share all our values), but they have set the standard for my adulthood in the small details of their lives and routines. I'm not sure how to feel like an adult without following their example. I'm sure everyone's standard for feeling like they've finally achieved adulthood is different because the truth for each person is in their upbringing.

It isn't bad, not feeling like a grown-up, but I have all the responsibilities, so it would be nice to have that satisfaction, instead of just feeling like a big kid playing house.

What are your standards for adulthood? Do you feel like a grown-up? If you do, when did it happen?

Comments

[misselaineeous.livejournal.com]

I always liked being in school because it allowed me to avoid thinking of myself as a grown-up. It's kind-of like being in a limbo stage where everyone accepts the fact that you do not necessarily have to act like a adult. I think that that idea came from our parents. When I am in school I didn't have to pay rent but when I was working full time I did pay rent. I used to like the idea of avoiding being an adult by being a student, now I want the schooling to be done so that I can feel like a grown-up.
I understand the thoughts about the little grown-up things that mom and dad to that can set ideas about what being an adult is. Strangly, I see things in the opposite manner. I have things that I do that mom and dad have never done which makes me feel like I'm still a kid. For example, I still drink milk with dinner. I have never seen either of our parents drink milk and therefore in my brain it equates as a child-like thing to do.
I think that having a place of my own, paying bills (beyond my current credit card and phone bills), and having a husband will make me feel like a grown-up. I don't really know yet if that is because of the adult-ness shown by our parents. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
The pass couple of days I have been freaking out about finances. I think that my obsession with money (not having it in large sums to spend, but in large sums to save) has come from our parents. Mom and dad have never been the type of people to spend in excess and they have always invested a lot of money. I have need to have a large 'emergency fund' to assure that I will never be in financial trouble (I have learnt that everyone should have enough money saved up to retain their current lifestyle for three to six months). With having to pay for school, a wedding, a place to live, and all the stuff that we will need when we do move (e.g. cutlery) I am all in a panic. I made Justin sit down with me and show me how it will all work and to make budgets for wedding costs, and what we can afford to buy in terms of a home (i.e. downpayment, monthly mortgage costs). He is much more level headed about these things then I am. I trust that he knows what he is taking about (I think the accountant thing helps!)and he understands my craziness about money. He knows that my head will explode if I don't think that we have enough money so he assures me that he will make sure that we will not be living pay check to pay check.