Commitment through laundry
May. 18th, 2006 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreaminghopeI do laundry once a week: three or four large loads one after the other, in cold water with biodegradable, allergen-free detergent. In the spring and summer, the t-shirts and towels flap in the breeze over our deck. In the winter or the rain, everything is hung in the basement. Our house's electrical system won't support a dryer.
Today, I stood on my deck in the warm morning sun. I hung a sheet; the wind swept it out like a tent. Then I pinned up socks in neat matched pairs – little knit couples to flutter around the sheet home.
Though I'm not married, at some point I became a wife. I thought that it snuck up on me; that it happened in little steps over the five years that Russ and I have been living together. I started becoming a wife when I picked up his dirty socks, when I took charge of the bills, when I referred to his mother as "mother-in-law", when he started having to ask me where things were around the house... but there was still a defining moment that solidified those other moments and transformed my role.
I don't actually remember the exact moment when I crossed the line between when I was not-a-wife and when I was a wife. It is only important in retrospect. But it comes down to laundry.
For our first four years together, Russ and I took our dirty clothes to someone else to wash. About every two weeks, we'd hand over big heavy of bags of clothing and a credit card, and the next day they would come back: the bag full of neatly, but unfamiliarly, folded items and the credit card bill a little bit heavier.
With our own house came our own washing machine. I like doing laundry, and my writing keeps me at home evenings while Russ' activities frequently take him out, so it seems natural for me to take over the task of keeping clean clothes in our closets.
I balance a basket of wet t-shirts on one hip, get the door with the other while gently pushing one of the cats out of my way with one foot. Russ' t-shirts are mostly black and jewel toned. I turn them inside out and try to hang them out of direct sunlight, to prevent fading.
On the deck of our first house, sometime during the hanging of the first load of laundry out of our first washing machine – it was probably work clothes from the renovations – I became a wife. Now I need to figure out how I feel about that.
Today, I stood on my deck in the warm morning sun. I hung a sheet; the wind swept it out like a tent. Then I pinned up socks in neat matched pairs – little knit couples to flutter around the sheet home.
Though I'm not married, at some point I became a wife. I thought that it snuck up on me; that it happened in little steps over the five years that Russ and I have been living together. I started becoming a wife when I picked up his dirty socks, when I took charge of the bills, when I referred to his mother as "mother-in-law", when he started having to ask me where things were around the house... but there was still a defining moment that solidified those other moments and transformed my role.
I don't actually remember the exact moment when I crossed the line between when I was not-a-wife and when I was a wife. It is only important in retrospect. But it comes down to laundry.
For our first four years together, Russ and I took our dirty clothes to someone else to wash. About every two weeks, we'd hand over big heavy of bags of clothing and a credit card, and the next day they would come back: the bag full of neatly, but unfamiliarly, folded items and the credit card bill a little bit heavier.
With our own house came our own washing machine. I like doing laundry, and my writing keeps me at home evenings while Russ' activities frequently take him out, so it seems natural for me to take over the task of keeping clean clothes in our closets.
I balance a basket of wet t-shirts on one hip, get the door with the other while gently pushing one of the cats out of my way with one foot. Russ' t-shirts are mostly black and jewel toned. I turn them inside out and try to hang them out of direct sunlight, to prevent fading.
On the deck of our first house, sometime during the hanging of the first load of laundry out of our first washing machine – it was probably work clothes from the renovations – I became a wife. Now I need to figure out how I feel about that.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 05:22 pm (UTC)~hugs~ you are so lucky and the 2 of you are so blessed. For so long thats all I wanted. To be a housewife with a pack of children.
~sappy smiles~
oh well... :) someday
~hugs~
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 06:32 pm (UTC)Don't give up! These things can happen when you are least expecting them, and pieces will fall into place.
~Hugs~
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 06:44 pm (UTC)Oh I know it'll happen, but ... lol... I get impatient sometimes.. and other times Im very happy it hasn't happened yet :)
~beams~
no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 08:55 pm (UTC)I have lost my way with words and punctuation.
But!
I have been processing something in the same field ish. It is confusing, exciting and odd. It started over cleaning the kitchen for Shane when he was away. If you want to go for walk around the area and talk let me know.
Have fun!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 10:04 pm (UTC)I love being a wife. I feel as though I became one about a year and a half before the wedding. It was then that Kim and I really felt like a "real couple". We became an "us" ... interdependant and happy that way.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 04:09 am (UTC)That said, both words are very burdened with many of the same symbolic and historical meanings and contemporary assumptions. I usually choose the word "partner" over "wife" when describing my relationship to Russ. I have a lot of reasons for this, but I also prefer it because it doesn't come with all the baggage.