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dreaminghopeI take out my contact lenses and instantly feel vulnerable. I'm acutely aware of my sudden lack of ability: I can't read anyone's facial expressions or see if anyone's addressing me. Like someone who thinks that everyone who's whispering must be talking about them, I am convinced that everyone is looking at me. I sit very still and try not to look in anyone's direction, lest they think I'm staring at them.
I'm never without my lenses during the day, especially not in public. Yesterday, I sat in the bright and busy optometrist's office, feeling exposed, waiting for my turn in the office.
I'll leave restaurants if I'm not sure whether I seat myself or wait to be seated. I'll leave stores without buying anything if no one's at the cash register and there's no clear indication of how to get someone there. In a bakery or deli case, I won't ask what something is or how much it costs; if I don't recognize it and it isn't labeled, I won't buy it. Alone in public, I get very peculiar about my interactions with other people.
The optometrist calls my name from across the room. By the time I grab my purse, she is already heading down the hall. I follow hesitantly, reluctant to assume that I'm supposed to follow her, but unsure what else to do. I'm relieved when she greets me; I did the right thing!
At the end of the optometrist appointment, I have a new prescription: -8.00 and -10.00, for those to whom that means anything. For those to whom that doesn't mean anything: I don't see well without lenses.
On a side note, I get asked a lot by those with good eyes what it is to see like me. So, if you would, a photo demonstration.
The right hand picture is approximately what I see without my lenses. This is what Zoey would look like to me at about two meters away.
I'm never without my lenses during the day, especially not in public. Yesterday, I sat in the bright and busy optometrist's office, feeling exposed, waiting for my turn in the office.
I'll leave restaurants if I'm not sure whether I seat myself or wait to be seated. I'll leave stores without buying anything if no one's at the cash register and there's no clear indication of how to get someone there. In a bakery or deli case, I won't ask what something is or how much it costs; if I don't recognize it and it isn't labeled, I won't buy it. Alone in public, I get very peculiar about my interactions with other people.
The optometrist calls my name from across the room. By the time I grab my purse, she is already heading down the hall. I follow hesitantly, reluctant to assume that I'm supposed to follow her, but unsure what else to do. I'm relieved when she greets me; I did the right thing!
At the end of the optometrist appointment, I have a new prescription: -8.00 and -10.00, for those to whom that means anything. For those to whom that doesn't mean anything: I don't see well without lenses.
On a side note, I get asked a lot by those with good eyes what it is to see like me. So, if you would, a photo demonstration.
The right hand picture is approximately what I see without my lenses. This is what Zoey would look like to me at about two meters away.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 05:32 am (UTC)Maybe someday I will do something drastic - like laser surgery or something.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 06:54 am (UTC)Well, you would learn not to do that pretty quick, as it is pretty uncomfortable the next morning. But it is really hard for some people to get used to the eyeball thing. I get that.
Laser surgery is sounding less and less drastic, the longer it becomes available. I'm not ready for that, though. I'd really hate if it only partially worked and I was stuck wearing glasses - I love my contacts!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-18 12:17 pm (UTC)(sorry to butt in)