Toothpaste
Jan. 12th, 2006 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreaminghopeOK, enough with the toothpaste! An aisle (a big aisle) of toothpaste, and it is all just absolutely silly.
First, cream versus gel. Does anyone care? I’ve had both, I can't tell what would make someone have a preference for one over the other. Whatever.
Then: "whitening" and "sensitive" toothpastes, toothpastes that offer "24 hour protection" and ones that promise better tarter control. Really, I want all those things (don't I?), so why doesn't every toothpaste have them? Why would I buy an inferior toothpaste that doesn't have better tarter control?
I also wonder about how white are teeth should be. Maybe they should reflect light. Maybe they should generate their own light. From all the whitening products out there (luminous?), I think that might be the goal.
Toothpaste companies say our teeth should be white, insensitive and straight... sounds like some right-wing nut's version of the perfect government.
Now, on to the packaging. Brands are choosing different colours for their different types of toothpaste (silver for whitening, blue for sensitive, red for whatever is left), and then they are adding holographic stickers and scratch & sniff patches. Each brand must have a dozen different boxes. The toothpaste aisle looks like it is being used as a testing site. I feel like someone must be watching me and taking notes:
She’s reaching for the red box. Oh, wait, she's hesitating. The blue box has caught her eye. And she's looking, comparing, and she's made her choice: the silver box! Two minutes to a final decision, and one more point for silver.
That might make me seem paranoid, but I'm at peace with that perception.
Now: brand names. I want whoever decided that the two big names in toothpaste should both start with a “C” how much trouble and anguish they've caused me. I prefer one over the other (for good reason: one makes my gums very tender), but when standing in the aisle, with all those boxes towering above me and spread out to each of me, I can never remember if it is Crest or Colgate that I want. I get it wrong about 50% of the time.
Finally, I wonder what was wrong with mint toothpaste. There was variety; you could choose mild mint or spearmint or peppermint. And toothpaste was a beautiful, clean colour, like blue or green, and mint made your mouth feel clean and fresh.
I have "lemon ice" toothpaste in my medicine cabinet right now. I am a victim of clever marketing: the scratch & sniff patch on the outside was simply too intriguing and fun to pass up. The toothpaste is clear yellow on your toothbrush. It smells and tastes like mostly-unsweetened lemon pie filling. It is weird. Though I am sure it is cleaning my teeth adequately, I don’t have that icy freshness in my mouth after. My mouth doesn’t feel clean.
I will say this though: Whoever came up with the idea of a flip top toothpaste is my hero. Not only does that prevent the infamous fight of who left the cap off of the toothpaste*, but it prevents little blind me from losing the cap when I'm brushing my teeth without my contact lenses in. This makes me happy, so not all toothpaste innovation is bad. But, really, vanilla toothpaste? Fruit punch? Were these necessary?
*I wonder if anyone actually has that fight or if that’s a sort of odd domestic legend. Everyone I’ve lived with has always put the cap back on.
First, cream versus gel. Does anyone care? I’ve had both, I can't tell what would make someone have a preference for one over the other. Whatever.
Then: "whitening" and "sensitive" toothpastes, toothpastes that offer "24 hour protection" and ones that promise better tarter control. Really, I want all those things (don't I?), so why doesn't every toothpaste have them? Why would I buy an inferior toothpaste that doesn't have better tarter control?
I also wonder about how white are teeth should be. Maybe they should reflect light. Maybe they should generate their own light. From all the whitening products out there (luminous?), I think that might be the goal.
Toothpaste companies say our teeth should be white, insensitive and straight... sounds like some right-wing nut's version of the perfect government.
Now, on to the packaging. Brands are choosing different colours for their different types of toothpaste (silver for whitening, blue for sensitive, red for whatever is left), and then they are adding holographic stickers and scratch & sniff patches. Each brand must have a dozen different boxes. The toothpaste aisle looks like it is being used as a testing site. I feel like someone must be watching me and taking notes:
She’s reaching for the red box. Oh, wait, she's hesitating. The blue box has caught her eye. And she's looking, comparing, and she's made her choice: the silver box! Two minutes to a final decision, and one more point for silver.
That might make me seem paranoid, but I'm at peace with that perception.
Now: brand names. I want whoever decided that the two big names in toothpaste should both start with a “C” how much trouble and anguish they've caused me. I prefer one over the other (for good reason: one makes my gums very tender), but when standing in the aisle, with all those boxes towering above me and spread out to each of me, I can never remember if it is Crest or Colgate that I want. I get it wrong about 50% of the time.
Finally, I wonder what was wrong with mint toothpaste. There was variety; you could choose mild mint or spearmint or peppermint. And toothpaste was a beautiful, clean colour, like blue or green, and mint made your mouth feel clean and fresh.
I have "lemon ice" toothpaste in my medicine cabinet right now. I am a victim of clever marketing: the scratch & sniff patch on the outside was simply too intriguing and fun to pass up. The toothpaste is clear yellow on your toothbrush. It smells and tastes like mostly-unsweetened lemon pie filling. It is weird. Though I am sure it is cleaning my teeth adequately, I don’t have that icy freshness in my mouth after. My mouth doesn’t feel clean.
I will say this though: Whoever came up with the idea of a flip top toothpaste is my hero. Not only does that prevent the infamous fight of who left the cap off of the toothpaste*, but it prevents little blind me from losing the cap when I'm brushing my teeth without my contact lenses in. This makes me happy, so not all toothpaste innovation is bad. But, really, vanilla toothpaste? Fruit punch? Were these necessary?
*I wonder if anyone actually has that fight or if that’s a sort of odd domestic legend. Everyone I’ve lived with has always put the cap back on.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 07:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:46 pm (UTC)Sparkly gel toothpastes look really pretty, but I don't want to brush with them... I might find glow-in-the-dark would have the same weirdness factor.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-15 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 08:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:48 pm (UTC)I say, no more half-measures. Not just pearly white teeth, but teeth so bright you can use them as a flash light!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 01:56 pm (UTC)*giggles* Thanks for making me smile this morning. That was wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 08:21 pm (UTC)I actually posted without that line, then realised that I had forgotten it after I'd shut down my computer and taken out my contacts. I typed it very slowly and carefully with my eyes about three inches from the keyboard because I can't touch type on Russ' keyboard anymore.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 06:10 pm (UTC)The same thing happens with pit stick. Until I switch completely to Axe (still haven't been mobbed by a bunch of hot gilrs in an elevator, mind you), I keep getting confused between Right Guard Glacier and Ocean Spray. They're both a greeny-blue, they both smell....right. I'm sure I flip-flop regularily, but I don't really care too much. Non-stinky is non-stinky.
...so I guess Canada's heading for a toothpaste gov't, eh? :p
no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 07:54 pm (UTC)Russ' former scent was out of stock or discontinued, so he picked up another one at random. It had a similar coloured lid, so he figured it would be similar. It made him smell like a cedar chest, and it gave me the giggles every time I got close to him. He had to switch brands.
Looks that way. ~Sigh~ I only hope for another minority.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-15 01:05 am (UTC)Don't worry. It will be...
no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 07:07 pm (UTC)Best. Line. Evar.
Thanks for that, I giggled out loud at that :-D
I obviously don't pay much attention to my toothpaste, but I think I'm generally a Colgate guy. I do actually prefer cream to gel - I've had a couple different kinds of gel that obviously had more Sugar than Clean in them and it turned me off of all gel pastes.
In Africa I got very picky about toothpaste - sadly, I must admit to paying significantly more for north american toothpaste when a cheap but unknown local brand was available. I just couldn't bring myself to buy toothpaste from some grotty-toothed guy in a dusty bus station. I headed to the western-style supermarket (1 of 2 in the country) and ponied up the extra buck for good old fashioned Aquafresh - I seemed to recall my cousin using it.
I do enjoy that minty fresh mouth feeling after brushing. I just wouldn't be tempted to use New Banana Cream Pie or Cutesy Chocoblast flavors of toothpaste. If I want fruit punch, I'll buy a drink.
All those Extra Whitening, Tartar Control, and Tusk Polish type things remind me of the daily specials at restaurants - they're the same thing that's on the menu - you can get them every day, but it's Thursday so they decided to write Roast Beef on the chalk board and tell everyone about it, so it's 'special' today. It's all the same stuff, but maybe if they browbeat you you'll take the special... or the super-kwik-kleen-neon-death-polish toothpaste in the glittery sniffable box.
Ok, TV-related tangent - I hate ads at the best of times, but it boggles the mind when companies start advertising changes in their packaging. The product remains exactly the same, but now the box it comes in (yes, the box you will discard 30 seconds after getting said product home) now features an easier-opening, resealable lid and stylish new racing stripes. Who. Cares. Have their products really reached their apex - is there truly no new insignificant changes they can make in order to facilitate a new burst of advertising? Have they really been reduced to flogging their packaging?! Bah.
Anyway, great toothpaste rant ;-) thanks for the giggles!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 08:29 pm (UTC)Complete agree! There's a tea ad right now on that, and it really bugs me because it isn't even a major packaging change. The box opens on the top instead of the side - big deal! It doesn't improve the product or its usefulness.
I do enjoy reading my wholesale catalogues and industry rags for that though. It is fun for me as a consumer to see how companies advertise to stores. Then it really is just as much about how attractive the package is as it is about the flavour or usefulness of the contents. But I don't think the end consumer consciously cares, and those ads directed to us are dumb!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 10:10 pm (UTC)