Toothpaste
Jan. 12th, 2006 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreaminghopeOK, enough with the toothpaste! An aisle (a big aisle) of toothpaste, and it is all just absolutely silly.
First, cream versus gel. Does anyone care? I’ve had both, I can't tell what would make someone have a preference for one over the other. Whatever.
Then: "whitening" and "sensitive" toothpastes, toothpastes that offer "24 hour protection" and ones that promise better tarter control. Really, I want all those things (don't I?), so why doesn't every toothpaste have them? Why would I buy an inferior toothpaste that doesn't have better tarter control?
I also wonder about how white are teeth should be. Maybe they should reflect light. Maybe they should generate their own light. From all the whitening products out there (luminous?), I think that might be the goal.
Toothpaste companies say our teeth should be white, insensitive and straight... sounds like some right-wing nut's version of the perfect government.
Now, on to the packaging. Brands are choosing different colours for their different types of toothpaste (silver for whitening, blue for sensitive, red for whatever is left), and then they are adding holographic stickers and scratch & sniff patches. Each brand must have a dozen different boxes. The toothpaste aisle looks like it is being used as a testing site. I feel like someone must be watching me and taking notes:
She’s reaching for the red box. Oh, wait, she's hesitating. The blue box has caught her eye. And she's looking, comparing, and she's made her choice: the silver box! Two minutes to a final decision, and one more point for silver.
That might make me seem paranoid, but I'm at peace with that perception.
Now: brand names. I want whoever decided that the two big names in toothpaste should both start with a “C” how much trouble and anguish they've caused me. I prefer one over the other (for good reason: one makes my gums very tender), but when standing in the aisle, with all those boxes towering above me and spread out to each of me, I can never remember if it is Crest or Colgate that I want. I get it wrong about 50% of the time.
Finally, I wonder what was wrong with mint toothpaste. There was variety; you could choose mild mint or spearmint or peppermint. And toothpaste was a beautiful, clean colour, like blue or green, and mint made your mouth feel clean and fresh.
I have "lemon ice" toothpaste in my medicine cabinet right now. I am a victim of clever marketing: the scratch & sniff patch on the outside was simply too intriguing and fun to pass up. The toothpaste is clear yellow on your toothbrush. It smells and tastes like mostly-unsweetened lemon pie filling. It is weird. Though I am sure it is cleaning my teeth adequately, I don’t have that icy freshness in my mouth after. My mouth doesn’t feel clean.
I will say this though: Whoever came up with the idea of a flip top toothpaste is my hero. Not only does that prevent the infamous fight of who left the cap off of the toothpaste*, but it prevents little blind me from losing the cap when I'm brushing my teeth without my contact lenses in. This makes me happy, so not all toothpaste innovation is bad. But, really, vanilla toothpaste? Fruit punch? Were these necessary?
*I wonder if anyone actually has that fight or if that’s a sort of odd domestic legend. Everyone I’ve lived with has always put the cap back on.
First, cream versus gel. Does anyone care? I’ve had both, I can't tell what would make someone have a preference for one over the other. Whatever.
Then: "whitening" and "sensitive" toothpastes, toothpastes that offer "24 hour protection" and ones that promise better tarter control. Really, I want all those things (don't I?), so why doesn't every toothpaste have them? Why would I buy an inferior toothpaste that doesn't have better tarter control?
I also wonder about how white are teeth should be. Maybe they should reflect light. Maybe they should generate their own light. From all the whitening products out there (luminous?), I think that might be the goal.
Toothpaste companies say our teeth should be white, insensitive and straight... sounds like some right-wing nut's version of the perfect government.
Now, on to the packaging. Brands are choosing different colours for their different types of toothpaste (silver for whitening, blue for sensitive, red for whatever is left), and then they are adding holographic stickers and scratch & sniff patches. Each brand must have a dozen different boxes. The toothpaste aisle looks like it is being used as a testing site. I feel like someone must be watching me and taking notes:
She’s reaching for the red box. Oh, wait, she's hesitating. The blue box has caught her eye. And she's looking, comparing, and she's made her choice: the silver box! Two minutes to a final decision, and one more point for silver.
That might make me seem paranoid, but I'm at peace with that perception.
Now: brand names. I want whoever decided that the two big names in toothpaste should both start with a “C” how much trouble and anguish they've caused me. I prefer one over the other (for good reason: one makes my gums very tender), but when standing in the aisle, with all those boxes towering above me and spread out to each of me, I can never remember if it is Crest or Colgate that I want. I get it wrong about 50% of the time.
Finally, I wonder what was wrong with mint toothpaste. There was variety; you could choose mild mint or spearmint or peppermint. And toothpaste was a beautiful, clean colour, like blue or green, and mint made your mouth feel clean and fresh.
I have "lemon ice" toothpaste in my medicine cabinet right now. I am a victim of clever marketing: the scratch & sniff patch on the outside was simply too intriguing and fun to pass up. The toothpaste is clear yellow on your toothbrush. It smells and tastes like mostly-unsweetened lemon pie filling. It is weird. Though I am sure it is cleaning my teeth adequately, I don’t have that icy freshness in my mouth after. My mouth doesn’t feel clean.
I will say this though: Whoever came up with the idea of a flip top toothpaste is my hero. Not only does that prevent the infamous fight of who left the cap off of the toothpaste*, but it prevents little blind me from losing the cap when I'm brushing my teeth without my contact lenses in. This makes me happy, so not all toothpaste innovation is bad. But, really, vanilla toothpaste? Fruit punch? Were these necessary?
*I wonder if anyone actually has that fight or if that’s a sort of odd domestic legend. Everyone I’ve lived with has always put the cap back on.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-13 01:56 pm (UTC)*giggles* Thanks for making me smile this morning. That was wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-14 08:21 pm (UTC)I actually posted without that line, then realised that I had forgotten it after I'd shut down my computer and taken out my contacts. I typed it very slowly and carefully with my eyes about three inches from the keyboard because I can't touch type on Russ' keyboard anymore.