In my head too much

[dreaminghope]

When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.
And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.
(Dar Williams, When I Was A Boy)

I never was a tomboy. I've always been a girly-girl: delicate, tidy, scared of getting hurt, not wanting to be dirty.

I didn't climb trees. I didn't get muddy or grass-stained, or catch bugs, or whatever it is boys do. I don't even know what boys do.

I feel like maybe I missed out.

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.
(Barenaked Ladies, What a Good Boy)

I've never been strong.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, as this kind of weakness is still OK in the "weaker sex", but would mean humiliation for a boy.

So we're sitting at a bar in Guadalajara
In walks a guy with a faraway look in his eyes
He says, "I got a powerful horse outside
Climb on the back, I'll take you for a ride
I know a little place
We can get there 'fore the break of day"
I said "In these shoes?
No way Jose"
I said "Honey, let's stay right here."
(Bette Midler, In These Shoes)

Sometimes I feel the feminine bits and pieces (high heels, bras, short skirts) as fun and sexy.

Other times they seem to be too literally the "trappings" of femininity.

Girly-girls don't have the kind of adventures where they jump on the back of a horse and ride off into the wilds.

And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see
When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you.
(Dar Williams, When I Was A Boy)

I wish I had a past where boys and girls seemed the same.

I think I'm going to start weight training this fall.

Comments

[catmcroy.livejournal.com]

I had a similar childhood :\

I want to take some form of self defense so that I dont' feel so helpless.

Okay, I grew up at the shooting range. I am a good shot with a .22. I can reload bullets. None of that did me any good when I was being beaten up or assaulted. Otherwise I'm pretty femmy - long skirts, blouses, long hair, long nails. I don't wear heels because I'm a klutz and I don't wear makeup because none of my SOs like me in makeup...

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

I don't do some of the girly things because I am too cheap or too lazy. Make-up, for example, can end up costing a lot of money and takes time and effort. I can't be bothered.

But my friends have only recently stopped exclaiming every time they see me in jeans. I wore skirts for so long that it was weird them to see me in pants of any sort.

[tareija.livejournal.com]

I was going to write a big long rambly answer here, but I'll do a short one instead:

I was a big tomboy growing up - and still am in many ways. I would very, very much like to be physically fit again, as I haven't been in, oh, 10 years, and I feel much, much better when I am. Yup. So, I am down with the exercise thing (as long as it's not running)... hey, maybe Cindy would join us. Her and I were discussing doing kickboxing or something before we started running... hmmm....

Anyway, yeah, sometimes I feel unattractive and/or ugly because I don't do the girly-girl thing.... then I realize this is silly, and stop. I think us tomboys are sexy in our own way. :)

[particle-man6.livejournal.com]

Agreed!

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

I agree that tomboys are sexy. Amongst other things, I think competency is sexy.

I don't think I am incompetent, and my skills have value in my life (in my job, for example), but I don't have the kind of skills that will give me independent.

I want to learn how to fix things, grow things, make things.

A lot of those people who are able to do these things are tomboys. That's pretty sexy!

[fruitkakechevy.livejournal.com]

I remember when boys and girls were the same. I had a friend named Adam, and we played 'monkeys' in the trees beside his house all day, or played with toy cars. I think I was 4 or 5. When we went to kindergarten, we didn't really play together, and never really saw each other in grade 1. I don't know if it was school that taught us that boys and girls are different enough that they can't really play together.. I remember knowing that he liked cars and I liked dolls, and that was because we were of different genders, but it wasn't really a big deal until school, I think. After all, I liked cars too! Or perhaps he started to play with the older boys on his street.. I don't really remember.
But I caught bugs, and climbed trees, and got dirty. Still do! Maybe it comes from having only brothers to play with for significant portions of my childhood.

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

I'm sure having brothers helped. Then there are boy toys around, and activities to do together. I had a sister, of course, so we mostly did girly things together.

She did play with a lot of boys, and I think she maintained male friends through to grade 1 or 2, when we moved. I wonder if she would have drifted away from them, as in your experience, if we had stayed?

I always had female friends, often even more girly then me (I only played Barbie when my friends wanted to). I don't think I really made any close male friends until high school, in fact.

[cinnamonsqueak.livejournal.com]

I was a tomboy, but I always knew I was a girl and that if I looked cute the boys would do things for me.

I have always been aware of my girlyness. I have always used it to my advantage too. ~thinks~

But my best friend growing up was a boy. Some days we played house and ponies, other days we played race cars and war games and G.I. joe.

I enjoy knowing that I'm little and cute and petite. And wearing heels and skirt is hot and very feminine. Yep some days I hate being wimpy. I've started doing more upper body exercise, I bought weights a few months ago and I try to do my push ups.

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much where I'm at: I like being a woman, I like being feminine, it's just that I want to be strong too.

[rythos42.livejournal.com]

It's a good thing I was born a girl, as this kind of weakness is still OK in the "weaker sex", but would mean humiliation for a boy.

In general, yes. However you just need to find the correct people to be around. If I had any other friends than the ones I do I would not be myself.

Sometimes I feel the feminine bits and pieces (high heels, bras, short skirts) as fun and sexy.

Agreed! :P

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... maybe I should learn from your example and try a little drag. I might make a cute boy.

I agree that it's all about the people you choose to surround yourself with. I was thinking of that time before you get to choose your companions; when school and neighbourhood determine who you hang out with. There wouldn't have been (there wasn't) a lot of patience in my childhood neighbourhoods for a boy as weak and uncoordinated as I.