In my head too much

[dreaminghope]

When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.
And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.
(Dar Williams, When I Was A Boy)

I never was a tomboy. I've always been a girly-girl: delicate, tidy, scared of getting hurt, not wanting to be dirty.

I didn't climb trees. I didn't get muddy or grass-stained, or catch bugs, or whatever it is boys do. I don't even know what boys do.

I feel like maybe I missed out.

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.
(Barenaked Ladies, What a Good Boy)

I've never been strong.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, as this kind of weakness is still OK in the "weaker sex", but would mean humiliation for a boy.

So we're sitting at a bar in Guadalajara
In walks a guy with a faraway look in his eyes
He says, "I got a powerful horse outside
Climb on the back, I'll take you for a ride
I know a little place
We can get there 'fore the break of day"
I said "In these shoes?
No way Jose"
I said "Honey, let's stay right here."
(Bette Midler, In These Shoes)

Sometimes I feel the feminine bits and pieces (high heels, bras, short skirts) as fun and sexy.

Other times they seem to be too literally the "trappings" of femininity.

Girly-girls don't have the kind of adventures where they jump on the back of a horse and ride off into the wilds.

And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see
When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you.
(Dar Williams, When I Was A Boy)

I wish I had a past where boys and girls seemed the same.

I think I'm going to start weight training this fall.

Comments

[fruitkakechevy.livejournal.com]

I remember when boys and girls were the same. I had a friend named Adam, and we played 'monkeys' in the trees beside his house all day, or played with toy cars. I think I was 4 or 5. When we went to kindergarten, we didn't really play together, and never really saw each other in grade 1. I don't know if it was school that taught us that boys and girls are different enough that they can't really play together.. I remember knowing that he liked cars and I liked dolls, and that was because we were of different genders, but it wasn't really a big deal until school, I think. After all, I liked cars too! Or perhaps he started to play with the older boys on his street.. I don't really remember.
But I caught bugs, and climbed trees, and got dirty. Still do! Maybe it comes from having only brothers to play with for significant portions of my childhood.

[dreamhope.livejournal.com]

I'm sure having brothers helped. Then there are boy toys around, and activities to do together. I had a sister, of course, so we mostly did girly things together.

She did play with a lot of boys, and I think she maintained male friends through to grade 1 or 2, when we moved. I wonder if she would have drifted away from them, as in your experience, if we had stayed?

I always had female friends, often even more girly then me (I only played Barbie when my friends wanted to). I don't think I really made any close male friends until high school, in fact.